Change Needs A Voice

I am having an excellent life but I am not having great days. They drone on. I feel I have no purpose. Nothing helps the feeling of separateness. Would cleaning my house make me feel better? Wouldn’t it just be dirty again in a very short amount of time? Going to work for a paycheck doing whatever meaningless job the world thinks I am worth. Would that make me feel better? 

I don’t even know if what I technically feel could be called bad. I am hungry a lot. There isn’t ever an abundance of healthy food. Healthy food is expensive, it needs to be eaten right away and therefore bought frequently with trips to the market which takes a car and gas money I don't have. Maybe I should play music more often. There seems to be nothing to play. No vibrations coming forth from me. I don’t feel wrong but nothing really feels right. 

I can’t be happy by just ignoring the world and its suffering. How on earth can I fix it? I can’t fix it alone. Or perhaps the solution is not of this earth. It probably has a lot to do with unity. My crazy ideas about change and opposing the main stream media’s message make me a very unpopular person in my daily life. I have a small network of support. By no means a network the likes and size of what is needed for global change. 

Perhaps the network exists it is just being drowned out by other noise. That is the idea of the other noise, to make us feel we are all alone in our struggles. I realized today that I don't need to speak to everyone in the world. Due to the butterfly effect I only have to keep flapping my wings and the breeze will carry through all the people I love and effect things I can't even imagine in places I may never get to. 

Alone we are powerless, together we are the only thing that have ever swayed the world to greater ideas and lasting change. The hatred and frustration I find in even those who want change is disheartening. I find the hopeless optimism in the positive thinking movement lacks what we need. We cannot just be positive and expect the world to change. You cannot just pray or positive think the world to peace because change takes action. 

Change needs a voice. There is no power behind inaction and lack of standing up for ideals. So many people who feel they are truly doing the right thing don’t talk about it. Or they talk about it but ignore that there are solutions to the things that are so horrible they choose not to see them. You cannot blame racism on those who continue to bring up racism as a problem needing fixing. Worker’s rights and women’s rights will not change because you think you found enlightenment. 

Writing for me is like using a butterfly net to snatch floating ideas from the sky. Sometimes like dreaming while awake. Often while I wish I was sleeping along with the rest of the world. Instead I sit up at night like I am waiting. 

Waiting for what? Waiting for the answer. The answer to what? The answer to life the universe, and everything. Maybe just the answer to letting go of my own fears. I’m pretty sure there is more I could be doing to reach more people, I just don’t know what. I’m sitting on the runway waiting to take off and I suddenly realize I am not in an airplane.