Keeping Up Appearances

This one's been a long time coming.

I really don't know where the start is with this one because it stems from my entire existence.

I was raised to be very aware of how things appear. And to fix them. I was raised in a hair salon. My mother is not overly put together but always had earrings in and a little make-up on and work clothes. But I have come to find out a lot more effects you in life than your mother. Mothers take a lot of the blame for things not appearing the way they should. For children not raised properly. But every single person a child comes in contact with has an impact on them. And there is only so much a mother could do to fix certain things. 

In learning deeply about my anxiety disorder I let my house get a little messier to be more well rested. I tried desperately to unlearn caring how things appear. 

I stopped wearing make up. In order to face the monster that is me picking at supposed imperfections in my face. I needed to see the damage I was doing all the time to want to stop. 

I still haven't. 

I think all the years of a large variety of toxic make-ups have forever altered my skin. And sometimes when I want to feel the most confident I still wear it. I can still pretend there is nothing wrong entirely.

Whenever my cousin went to work at the restaurant where she worked without make-up on people asked if she was tired or sick. It is such a rude thing to say. Almost, "you look worse than usual." 

What if you have an invisible illness like cancer, diabetes, or depression? 

I hear things like this all day long. I grew up most days of the year, most of the years of my life until now, in a hair salon.

I don't know if anything really sums up the culture of worshiping appearances better than a salon dedicated to masking people's personal flaws with good hair shapes and colors. It's not something I'm against by any means. 

I'm an artist at heart and all artists art their hair and clothing. Everyone has a style. Hair has no biological necessity other than adornment. We are meant to express ourselves through the hair on our head. 

Cultures throughout the ages have used makeup to signify soldiers. It's not called war-paint by coincidence. As long as we've had art and the use of crushed flowers and berries and minerals to make it we've been applying it to ourselves. 

In a way women did fight a war over the freedom to wear make-up. It's an answer to society's unrealistic expectations of us. There was a time only "whores" wore make-up.

I wear my appearance like a shield or a costume and I have for a long time. I choose to have brightly colored, different looking hair. I chose to have piercings. And I choose to not shave sometimes and not always wear things society would deem appropriate for a lady. I am a lady, therefore whatever I Do is lady-like. 

It's not easy to feel comfortable and rarely wear a bra. 

At first. 

It's not easy to dress comfortable for the heat and get unwelcome stares and cat calls all day. 

But I've stopped caring. And most of us should. 

We only shave religiously because of a Gillette marketing campaign 100 years ago to sell more razors. 

Men also face great pressure to keep a trim appearance and no facial hair. Especially as they climb the social ladder. No one becomes business elite without conforming to the daily shave routine. My husband gets a lot of questions and comments about his beard but here is my appearance story about beards. 

I look out for stories about appearance and how people have been discriminated against for some aspect of their appearance they either like, or can not help. Most legal protections for companies uniform and appearance policies are deeply rooted in racism and keeping the Right people in the job.  

I have a friend who teachers surf lessons as a career. He grew up by the beach and lives for the surf. That's not to say he doesn't have the brilliant mind of a scientist and is one of the kindest most well rounded gentleman I know.

One summer one of his students mom's went to his boss and asked for a new instructor. 

This is odd, seeing as how my friend is a very good surfer and a kind and patient instructor. The mother of the student didn't want her son taking lessons "from a Muslim". 

This came as a shock to my friend who is of Italian Catholic decent. His beard just grows big and thick and black. And his skin is a depth of tan from years of worshiping the sun and surf. He was offended for Muslims. But how much more hurt would his feelings have been if this woman really was assuming terrible things about his own belief system? What if this was something that happened to him repeatedly throughout his life?

He wasn't what he appeared to be and many things aren't.

I've been made to wear an ace bandage to hide my tattoo of a rose on my left forearm. When too many customers asked how I hurt my arm or what the tattoo was of, I was told to wear a long sleeve shirt under my short sleeve. In the middle of summer. All so that my rose does not offend someone's delicate business sensibilities. 

That is not to say I can compare the discrimination I face for my chosen body art to people who's appearance will never fit what society has deemed Acceptable. What if you can't choose to hide?

To Be Continued...

Be My Friend