The Year Without Music

I still wear my mask when I am being served. I am fully vaccinated but there is no way for that person to know that, the mask is a clear sign that even if I wasn't fully vaxxed & pro-vaccine that they can see that shows I care about their life.  

The things that are happening to shut down society. 

The pandemic level viruses. 

The media running amok. 

The heat that is too hot to go outside. 

These are all signs of capitalism failing under the strain of valuing the quantity of people around us as opposed to the quality of those people's lives. 

Who hasn't been caught in the trap of wondering if they have enough friends or followers, no matter how few or how many you actually have? Digital data can never fill the void of human faces. 

Until we fix the environment & learn to appreciate it, it will continue to be hellish when we go outside. Either too hot or too cold, too humid, a hurricane, a nor'easter, a snow storm, a polar vortex, a flash flood, a coastal flood. We need to find balance with the natural world & we need to find it now. 

I am tired of the fact that the oligarchs have taken every activist person I know & occupied them with fantasy conversations about gender bullshit instead of focusing on real world problems that we can take action on. 

I realized this week that men no longer declare war. Even though since coming into office the Biden Administration has committed acts of war. 

In the same way illegal legislation was passed to usurp the rights & the vote of women as a class, they are ignoring legal parameters & committing acts of war without the approval of congress & the entire country. 

The cabal of people who decide who get drone strikes or who are sent missiles is very very small at this point. Honestly no one should have that sort of power & certainly not the sort of people cultivated by violent gonzo pornography which is what all men are now. Orgasm is the post potent chemical cocktail known to humans. Men are too emotionally stunted & abused by capitalist pornography to effectively run this world anymore. And guess what lads & ladies, these mother fuckers be the majority because so many women have been lost to infanticide or abortion for being female & too many women are being murdered. As global domestic violence data plummeted during the pandemic because the cops were no longer coming if you called unless you were already injured. That violence that is usually publicly recorded moved into the homes & bedrooms of women.

The world is statistically less violent than it has ever been in history. But what about Herstory? Less violence means less men dying in war. But how will things pan out for women now that we are once again an actual minority? 

Of course the special class of bourgeoisie women want to identify out of the oppression that will come with global economic collapse. 

Women need each other more than ever before now that we can all clearly & plainly view the evidence of how much men hate women through pornography. 

It's incredible that men who claim to be progressive leftists defend pornography & their use of it. They are against worker exploitation until it comes to women because women are seen as men or sluts now. There is no in between. You are either willing to be fucked & stuffed in any way imaginable or you're not a woman at all. 

You must be willing to be submissive. Even non binary women identify as "submissive". They think they are class activists while being the same class as the Marquis deSade & being just like the people who fawned over his aristocratic ass during the French revolution. Women let men educate them on a whole manner of things that are complete bullshit. 

Today I saw a woman call the human race a problem & call herself a misanthrope. But it's not The Human Race that primarily rapes & murders. It is men. It is not Mankind or the human race. It is male violence. 

Then it lead to the fact that "psychopathy" is rampant. Again this is more historical male bullshit. 

Psychopathy doesn't exist, it's stereotypical male violence that has a long & well documented lineage. 

I would throw narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, etc in this category as well. Any phrase or diagnonsense that immediately deems the subject incapable of humanity & a full range of understanding & the ability of humans to change their minds & learn. I don't believe in it for a second other than that men use these tools of obsfucation to make it more difficult for women to talk about our civil rights as a class of people. 

This was supposed to be about my year without live music. It turned into an anti-capitalism radical feminist rant instead. 

I spent all year without spontaneously going to see people play live music which is my one true love other than Keith. We spent much of our early relationship popping into a million different events in Asbury Park & around the Jersey Shore. 

I consider the people I used to see out & who knew my old facebook persona Jackie Lane to be my friends but many of them won't speak to me these days & treat me like a social pariah because to them I am a terf. 

I have never excluded anyone in my life. I have bullied quite a few people, I mimicked those who bullied me & I am rather good at it. I felt I used it on others who have been bullies themselves & used that to justify my behavior. I no longer do that. I don't believe it is a worthwhile use of human energy & life force to tear down others when you have the choice to avoid those people who don't want your help & remain open to finding the people who do. 

I have been excluded & talked bad about & a close friend of mine was told I am dangerous by someone I don't know. I find that the most ironic part. I have faced a lifetime of being excluded from the cool kids club & now the cool kids are turning that on me as well & saying I am the one excluding them. 

They have said I am the oppressor, I am the Cis Woman, which loud, abrasive, masculine, punches grown men in the mosh pits after swim practice, Jackie Lane can't begin to wrap her feminine skull around. 

How do you exclude people by supporting their events & paying for their art? How is it exclusive to be more educated on transition, disorders of sex development & gender studies than most other people because each of those things has effected my life greatly at some point? 

I'm not sure but I do know that when I say women don't have penises I get random harassment from random men & women I don't know online, telling me what a terf I am. Telling me what a bad person I am in their opinion without ever having met me, without knowing a damn thing about the type of "butch" & "femme" weirdos I have always held court with. 

You can be whatever you wanna be but as soon as you think it's cool to have your dick out around kids, Any kids at all, we aren't cool anymore! I'm gonna call that shit out every time. It's not cool to sexualize minors. This whole groomy "crack an egg" culture adults participate in where they befriend other people's children online to help Educate them on trans issues. What happened to any adult that wants to befriend any kids online for any reason is Suspect?! 

I spent all this year banished from my artistic circle online because I've been deemed problematic & being banished from public because of the pandemic. 

All these women from all the world have come to me or I've gone to them with similar stories. Left leaning progressive democratic spaces being infiltrated by this women have penises "No Debate" bullshit. I've met woman after woman who describes the same governmental & ideological capture of those around them. 

I went to go see live music a few times this summer. I was so fucking excited it had resumed. I felt some kinda way hearing it again for the first time. I saw an actual choir perform at my son's high school; with masks. It sounded amazing. 

I have seen my friend's bar band play a couple times, the audience is exceedingly loud, rude & drunk. There are less people allowed. All the people who do things tend to be the types who never followed the regulations in the first place. Either got their vaccine first before anyone else "me-first" type or the "doesn't believe in it at all" type.  

I went to an LGBTQIA2S+ event & was forced to show a vaccine card, couldn't bring my chronically ill friend who can't get the vaccine. Almost all the performers performed solo. I don't know if that speaks to the narcissistic personality traits being expressed through loosely defined "trans" culture these days or if it just speaks to how lonely 2020 truly was for many of us. 

A friend asked me to write more lately so I decided to open up a couple old writing prompts I left for myself & Let Her Rip. 

Keith is taking a nap, otherwise it's hard to find time to sit by myself with my thoughts long enough to write long form these days. I always feel even when I do that it's interrupted by the fullness of my life. I skipped a lot of writing while I was forced out of work because of the pandemic. It was too depressing for me to express my "I told you so" attitude about the state of the world. That's not the vibe I want to create in the world. 

I told you so about, 

The environment because coronavirus exists at all. 

The government because they were so half assed their only idea was to halt things completely. 

The inability of all of us to travel & work because nothing in life was actually sanitary before & just nobody gave a shit.

I've had a lot of influence in my life. I wish I had been more careful & effective. I always promoted feminism but now that my feminism is actually feminist people believe I'm not a feminist but some right wing zealot. 

Feminism is inherently antipornography because pornography is the filmed record of the degradation men perform on young women. 

Feminism is inherently antigender because gender is the prescribed set of sex based stereotypes that try to force each & every person to act out certain personality traits & social roles based on their sex. 

Feminism is inherently anticapitalist because capitalism profits off of the unpaid & underpaid labor of women & girls globally. 

Women need a vote. We need a say in a democratic society. With men in a majority in the world we will need strong feminist leadership so that the world does not devolve into chaos & war as it has many times in the past. 

Today I drove by the tent that has sold Trump flags & paraphernalia since before the election. I've said from day one I bet they are capitalist carnies who don't really give a fuck about Trump they just want to make money & be on the winner's side. Today I drove by to drop my son off at work on The Island, There was a new blue tent set up on The Left side with a Black Lives Matter flag & some version of a rainbow "trans" flag hanging  inside. Every civil war needs two sides. Which side are you on? Which side are you on? Eh?

No Sides. 

No Masters. 

Lay down your guns. 

Build me a speed train. 

They are talking about trains actually finally in the stimulus infrastructure bill. I worry though. In this world instead of good paying jobs with benefits etc I fear the people building them will be treated as disposable & chewed up & spit out. We churn through retail workers & eat them alive, what of the men who mold steel? I've read too much history & I know what the oligarchs do to get stuff done & also expand their wealth at the same time. What's a few less poor mouths to feed? 

So music. It's back but it's not the same. I went to a really high end liberal farm to table restaurant. The food is amazing. But the experience was over $100 for 2 people, somewhere we used to be able to see the same live bands for free. The restaurant chose to explain its "been subpar since they opened Years ago" service with a long tirade printed out on the table about how many servers don't want to return to work because they are still on unemployment. Not realizing if the pandemic is still bad enough that the government is extending & paying out giant amounts of extra money for unemployment that the restaurant would be half dead anyway from the global pandemic & the resulting economic collapse. 

So I'm still going out & dancing. I overtip, I make donations. I'm still doing the Jackie Lane thing but the places I go & the thing I do become more classist & elitist with time. The income inequality has only grown since the Occupy Wall Street movement for global change because we have done nothing to stop its rapid increase. We need a powerful trust buster to get into it with those in charge of the world & make them intervene for the greater good. We need the United States of Radical Feminism. 

Love,

Jackie Fucking Lane

I Freed 3 Women

Dear Readers,

Sometimes I perform as many as 6 miracles before breakfast. I've gone quieter in my old age. Less people are listening but my voice carries to those who need it most. I have been wondering why I've been writing so much less. I've become constantly busy with people & messages & social media upkeep. But I know there is more down time than that. I know I Could find the time to write. 

I have a lot to say.

I have not found any new secrets to keep but I have been helping women in a far more powerful way than I used to be able to in the past. My arsenal has grown. But I feel compelled to protect their stories because they felt confident enough to confide them in me. 

Soon I will overflow & the stories will all spill out onto the collective consciousness that is the internet. The World Wide Web. I prefer to think of it that way. That the proper spider could dance their way across it. That it's a force that we discovered that connects us all. 

But we discovered it. We did not invent it.

Our web is designed after webs of human connection that has existed far longer than data tabulating machines have. 

Women call to me.

In their greatest times of need. 

I feel they do to my mother & that they did with my grandmother's too. 

I have known clients in my salon who forget who they are but still know they are supposed to go to Abraxas. 

what a small word for all it encompasses. 

Abraxas.

People often ask Me what it means. As if that is any sort of a simple answer at this point. 

It is my everything. My mother built it. My grandmother's supported it to every extent they could when they were still here. My community makes it thrive. Abraxas is a concept in a Herman Hesse book, referenced on the back of a Santana Album but I do not for one second that men can understand or speak for Abraxas. 

I read an article this morning in Lesbian & Gay News that was incredible. I should actually link to it, it was that good. 

I had a hard cry about my mom's best friend & business partner Gabe. I thought about how when he died in 2010 he still had never lived his life entirely out as a gay man. We knew. Some people knew. Few people knew he was a Vietnam veteran & few people knew he was gay. It always seemed obvious to me, but I was a small child raised to believe there was nothing wrong with being gay. Many people can't see what they don't want to see. 

When my mom was in high school, 1969 to 1973 was exactly the era of the Stonewall Riots & the pamphlets that sparked the gay rights movement. 

Gay rights are not won for everyone in the world. Not even close yet. There are still many places where people are beaten for being gay or murdered for being gay. LGB organizations are being harassed by straight people who fetishize homosexuality because of their pornography use. Which is let's face it what's happening when Lesbians & Gay people are called transphobic for wanting their own advocacy groups. Because gender identity & sexual orientation are not the same thing & they require different actions. 

Radical feminism gave me the tools to free women from domestic violence. But it also reignited my alliance with the lesbian & gay community that I've had since I was born but had felt ripped away from my by abusive men hiding behind the veil of being gay when they are really using it to excuse their misogyny. 

I saw a post by a gay man on twitter whose content I love & who fully supports women's rights. I got choked up reading it & felt compelled to write about Gabe being gay & dying mostly in the closet except for a small group of friends publicly for the first time. It helps that since being permanently banned from Facebook my online community is made up of women I barely know & a few well vetted men instead of local people in my daily life. 

I feel like a social media outlaw. Keith told me the etymology of outlaw the other day. That's why I love him, of course I live outside of the prescribed laws under patriarchy, unprotected by the Kings Law. I'm half a step away from the Gulabi gang & implementing vigilante justice. I already have become a hotline, someone women call first before they call the police. Because calling the police is terrifying & often useless but right now there is no other solution being offered to victims of male violence. 

I have a client & lifelong friend of my mom who recently learned how to shoot a gun. Her & her other retired friends over 65 are learning how to shoot & handle weapons. I fully support them even though I'm the most anti gun advocate in the world. I want to start an all female police force to respond to women's issues. The way that the slave patrols were implemented to control the slave class. I want a female police for to control the male class. 

I call it the United States of Radical Feminism. 

It spans continents & countries. Our only aim is to free women, children, & gender non conforming people from male sexual violence & the culture that grooms people into finding sexual violence acceptable in a democratic society. 

I look forward to gaining more working class allies as time goes on. I have found the middle ground. I've found the middle class. I'm going to take what collective power we have & I am coming for the oligarchs. Whose with me?

Love,

Jackie Fucking Lane 

PS- If by some chance you found this blog through a search engine instead of the link from my own Twitter or Instagram. Find more about my life or my knowledge of feminist herstory @JackieLane2020 on either Instagram or Twitter.