Science Fiction

If it helps to imagine I've made all this up. By all means. You wouldn't be the only one. 

The book I am reading is validating how I could have convinced myself back then that keeping these lies and not hurting everyone else even though it hurt me all the time was the right thing to do. It's not good really. That we always think we are right. That's why I keep the type of people around me who will argue with me when I'm wrong. Some of my smarter friends and wiser family has gotten me this far since I seem incapable of learning the social cues that mean someone shouldn't be trusted. 

It explains why I feel really good with the decisions I made even though they were all bad. Because now I am safe and this research proves that it is Very unhealthy for me to see them all the time. I don't know what I'm gonna feel about the house, but with the swing set gone. And the playhouse where Zack and DD played at Nanny and Pop Pop's back yard in as babies and that I was raped in when they were 9 and barely speaking to either of us. I just want it gone. I am trying to tell myself that I am fine. That this has nothing to do with me anymore. But that is really an unrealistic expectation of myself at this point because I think of myself as a cartoon character internet persona super hero and not a broken human being. I don't know if I will EVER heal from what happened and that scares the shit out of me.

But I AM and I always was the hopeless optimist getting made fun of by people like you because I believe that a world where humans care and nurture one another can exist instead of one where we expose and violate people's privacy. 

It is the suppression of the word that gives it the violence & the viciousness. Talking about things isn't violence. Violence is violence. And poverty is violence. The ways in which we talk about things or don't has the power to change them. The culture of fear has stopped us from exploring ideas to save the beach during climate change, has overlooked ways that precious metals could be used to make solar panels or hydroponic food towers or MOTHER FUCKING SPEED TRAINS BITCHES GOD DAMN IT. Is anyone listening? 

Don't threaten the ones you love. And to anyone afraid of me... I go to work. I go to local music and art shows and I Occasionally but not in TRUMPLAND really go to protests. I is trying to stay off lists these days. I am trying not to be a member. I have pretty much decided I wouldn't want to be included in any group that would have someone like me as a member. We need to start over. We dun fucked up. 

Until Next Time...
Love,
Jackie Lane