I almost never remember my dreams these days.
I prefer not to remember them.
It's never worth it.
Last night I had a nightmare. I didn't even want to describe it to my husband when I told him I felt sick after I woke up. Sadists in charge of children really has me sick lately. It's very common. Men who don't hesitate to hurt women are raising another generation of human beings. They think it's their right and freedom to terrorize people into a life of constant fear.
You are The Man, the big brother we are supposed to watch out for.
It is literal.
You are the imperialist if you believe in fear.
Fear of terrorists, fear of violence, fear of Nazis, fear of rapists.
The fear is what controls you.
You just sit there afraid of all the things you're constantly bombarded with when the only thing to be afraid of is wasting the short precious time that human life consists of. I would like to say I'm not angry anymore. To say that being angry lets the bad guys win. But I'm honestly outraged at people's lack of anger.
How can you know any percentage of the child population is trafficked into slavery or raped before they should be old enough to know what sex is, and not be in any way angry at that fact?
How can you know husband's hit their wives for talking to other people, or for trying to look at what secrets they hide in their phone and not be the littlest bit angry?
How can you know indigenous people are barely respected any more these days then they were when we first started raping and murdering their people and their land? How can you know their children were stolen from them and broken to behave like "white" citizens and not be angry?
How can you know that CEO's of major corporations are profiting off the illness and death of millions and not be angry?
How can you know that father's rape their daughters and their daughter's die of overdose or the father dies of health problems and those fathers are lauded as loving doting pillars of their community and not be angry?
How can you see Donald Trump as the leader of "The Free World" and not be angry?
How can you see your rapist walking freely down the street, still never there for his family, still lying his face off to all of society and going to entirely get away with continuing to be the scumbag drunk, addicted to pain pills and sexually assaulting everyone they know, without being angry?
How can you know that the most popular pornography on the internet is violent gonzo rape porn and not be angry?
How can you know that a majority of the human adult male population thinks that it is somehow a turn on sexually to see women humiliated and degraded and not be angry?
How can you know that every day women are choked and displayed like chunks of meat for auction and that society is condoning this as a potentially feminist act and not be angry?
How can you know that society condones the subjugation of the female sex class and not be angry?
Your pacifism is the way in which evil operates. The Fog of War. People can not see the evil right in front of them while using flowery language to explain away the current atrocities of human existence. Loss will always be. Life will never be forever.
Life is not torture.
Life is not beauty.
Life is what we bring into existence.
Life is what we believe.
Life is how we care for the environment that cares for us.
Life is how we call into existence everything that is.
I am genuinely concerned with the lack of care I see taking place among families. Lack of money which is just a representation of how we live, spent on hygiene & health. So much money spent on chasing youth which is not real, as time isn't linear & all life consists of a steady aging as we perceive it. We invest in comforting devices & products instead of realizing what we need is human contact.
I always knew that is what I needed. But time & time again people have told me heaping mounds of lies to my face about what a good friend to me they were while talking shit to anyone else who will listen behind my back, or just never being there for me at all unless it helps them.
The same people who take my money, my time, my artistry, my muse, and my strength kicked me in the face while I was down and told everyone not to trust me. But guess what, it's easy to trust someone compelled to tell the truth. So I've kept and gained a lot of wonderful friends while trying to break free of misogyny. And it's a lot easier to tell who the scum bags are these days now that I've seen what a pill or alcohol addiction can really turn someone into.
Now I see your example in a million other faces.
A monster groping at the light inside of everyone ripping the gentle hearts out of those entrusted to their care.
Taking away everything that makes them feel secure until even spending time with the emotionally riddling addict is better than being entirely alone and isolated.
Eventually you pray for the isolation anyway because even the void feels better than constant pain.
You wish for death often.
Being entirely alone might as well be death.
Nothing is funny when you're always the butt of some assholes sick joke.
The fear can never fully end. Now I see men in charge of children everywhere I go. And I wonder, what the fuck is the patriarchy doing? How do we think men can watch filmed rape and torture porn in statistically significant numbers, see it in a significant amount of divorces and allow them the right to raise children?
Anyone documented as watching gonzo and contributing to the capitalism that enslaves and rapes the female class should be hung after having a firing squad aim only at the dick & limbs, & set on fire slightly before kicking out the barrel.
I am so proud of writing this last paragraph that I show it to Kyle immediately.
His response was so good it's also getting included, "seems too quick."
I have somewhere I am going with this about who Should raise children and some other connecting ideas but I want to end on the seems too quick joke. When it goes on longer than this many words no one is following along and interested anymore anyway.
Until Next Time...
Love,
-Jackie Lane
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