My cousin Lindsey said I am awesome to be around
because I make jokes constantly that I laugh at, out loud. So she says, sometimes even if the joke doesn't make sense to the other person or
isn't even funny the other person still laughs because me laughing at
myself is funny in itself. I decide I'm okay with that.
I think more people should laugh for no reason. It's a defense mechanism for me. I have severe depression. Seeing the humor in everything is necessary for me to function.
I think more people should laugh for no reason. It's a defense mechanism for me. I have severe depression. Seeing the humor in everything is necessary for me to function.
Damn snow. Damn cold.
Not that I don't have millions of things to do here. I'm just fed up with looking at it. That's always my dilemma. My happiness or my productivity. My
stress level goes up while working on tedious shit (computer shit for
work) or sorting through old shit.
Does
this stay or go. Deciding on how important are hundreds of items and pieces of paper
and Shit. Sometimes I don't want any of it. But be careful what you wish
for. My cousin got that wish, no stuff.
Somebody called me college educated again.
I had to school him on how I know what I know.
Yes I went to a good High School but two years of community college and one year
of a state school do not an elitist make.
I just figured out what I am. I just didn't know it had a word. I am not "college educated". I'm an autodidact. Coincidentally I just found out that was a word from a movie I watched over the weekend.
I just figured out what I am. I just didn't know it had a word. I am not "college educated". I'm an autodidact. Coincidentally I just found out that was a word from a movie I watched over the weekend.
My parents are super blue collar. Neither finished college. I
know more because I have the internet and an Ocean County Library card
than I learned in college. I had The Worst textbooks in college. Useless
really, I felt everything was a longer more boring version of the things we'd already learned in the 12 years of grade school.
Perfect.
I
try to explain that to people all the time, they have no idea to the
extent they are being monitored and how well their entire worldview fits
their opinions to keep them complacent.
Algorithms.
People
often want to start from ideal circumstances too have you noticed? Made up
scenarios instead of what is actually the starting point of reality right
now.
They imagine the world as they want to see it. We all do to some extent.
I actively work against it. But in this culture I'm told that my ideas constitute mental illness.
The
only part I find ill is the lack of motivation. Seeing how powerless someone without money really is to change this world in most ways is discouraging some days.
I just don't see people
I like enough. The only power we have is in the people. I am home a lot and the salon. With old republican ladies.
And with my mom's employees. Who can never be my real friends because
they are afraid of me.
It
takes years for people to realize they can tell me anything. I really don't
care. And I also don't tell my mom, or anyone else everything.
A lot if people I like IRL, I don't keep in touch with on Facebook. Because I don't have to. Facebook is for maintaining relationships when people are far away. Not being up people's ass when you're together.
I often don't take pictures of awesome moments in my life because I'm too busy experiencing them.
Cell phone cameras make that easier though. Snapping pictures of things in nature or absurd cultural things I like.
This winter I
just withdrew.
I'm bugging out! I have a doctor's appointment Monday. In less than a week.
I'm bugging out! I have a doctor's appointment Monday. In less than a week.
How
crazy can you make yourself worrying that you're not crazy enough? Or
crazy enough it will cause you further trouble and you're just to crazy
to realize?
February
is over and I didn't post again. Wtf. Hate winter. I should have just
done it but I hate sitting at the computer. It hurts my back. Mental excuses, I have an Alphasmart 3000, a notebook, a mini recorder, a smartphone. Something should have been done.
I have a ton of stuff at my house. Just most of it is not mine. Or not whatever Crazy life I would have had without my son. It's all ours. I still skirt they edge of insanity. But I keep my shit together and keep moving forward and learning for my son and my husband. Once one person depends on you it's easier to let other people depend on you. My husband and I have a policy. We almost always say yes to favors. Unless we literally don't have the time or money. Which is kind of rare. Unless we think it will cause family drama, lessons learned the hard way sometimes always saying yes. But I regret nothing. Experience is why I'm as smart as I am. That and too much reading, not enough human interaction.
I greatly approve of epic parenting. You need to take that shit seriously and realize they are gonna do what you do. So you have to be self aware and honest with them if you want to break a bad cycle. My son knows all about how sick daddy gets if he tries to quit smoking altogether. Despite cutting back tremendously. I've told him my husband started when he was a kid. Mommy could stop easier because I was over 18 when I started. Daddy was like fucking 12 stealing cigarettes from Grammy and great grandma.
My son asked me to quit. I did. Mostly. Unless somebody like dies. Or some other drastic event happens. Sometimes after a panic attack.
I think a lot of people who cant quit smoking have an anxiety disorder. It is a great excuse to leave the room whenever you want at any social function. Since you can't inside any more. All anti social people migrating to one space.
I think addiction isn't like we think it is. I think it's social. Unless it's physical and the person is in real pain not just emotional pain. Some people take opiates because on blue collars jobs shit gets hurt. Even white collar sometimes. Carpal tunnel. Desks aren't healthy for anyone. Addiction I don't think is brain chemistry. I think it's sociology.
That's why my favorite drug is pot. Even though I want it legalized. Smoking is half awesome because every time you do it it's like giving a finger to the people who try and make plants illegal. Or patent them. Cause what the fuck? That shouldn't happen. But again. All social behaviors. Who you want to be around. What kind of mental state you want to be in.
Your friends probably drink the same level. I'm at moderate social drinker status. But the occasion is rare because I'm old and broke. But people who abstain altogether are foreign to me, as are people who still get wasted and puke and stupid shit. But I think we can go about changing those physical chemical flaws in our bodies and our DNA actively. I'm not under the impression we are destined by DNA to be a certain way until we die.
I support medication of chemical problems like depression, OCD, ADHD, PTSD, schizophrenia, etc. I know those illnesses are real and probably literally physically chemical. At this point we haven't isolated exactly what brain chemicals are effected by what drugs, in what ways in most cases. I prefer the idea of chewing coca leaf, opium, and eating cannabis food or oil to any of the shit they have people taking now. Everything should go back to being plant based and not patentable. We should be letting more variety develop instead of creating mono-crops. And we should be medicating with more whole-food-style less brain-altering medications.
Part of the reason I'm on this is because I think this "laziness" epidemic the American Right always talks about is actually an American addiction epidemic. We've taken a lot of potentially excessive behaviors to extremes culturally. Some people use addiction to tune out pain with opiates. But others do it to keep things up, keep up appearances, if you will. Remain busy.
Amphetamines.
Coffee.
Nictone.
White sugar.
Stimulants are super popular. But eventually you burn out that way. Like how they burned out new lineman at the slaughter houses in The Jungle. Use people up and throw them away because you have a constant stream of desperate to work new people.
Alcoholism is cultural and pandemic at this point. They openly call obesity an epidemic. Obesity isn't a problem from an image perspective but a heart disease and diabetes perspective. If you look at the sales figures you start to see the real picture. Combine them with the costs of healthcare and the rate of deaths from those behaviors and you can see the big picture. Death is a cash business. Even the smallest funeral items cost big bucks. Capitalism exploits people at their most vulnerable because that is when they are least likely to be keeping a tight grasp on their wallet. In those moments you care more about family than money.
Too much alcohol makes you violent or just sad enough to be hopeless eventually. It is a killer. There are other safer options. Or just make paint thinner style cheap vodka illegal. There is minimal regulation on types of alcohol. Liquor content and processing standards are set by industry and demand.
I don't want the government or doctors manipulating DNA in a lab or in the womb. That's not cool. I'm talking about treating mental and physical illness with organic chemistry instead of lab made compounds. Unless it's antibiotic. I'm not crazy. I believe in science. I mean chronic illnesses we think of as "genetic" shouldn't be treated as life sentences necessarily.
I actually think alcohol shouldn't be completely abstained from. It is excellent social lubricant. It creates a definitive mental change few other behaviors or chemicals can mimic. I think our culture is contributing to excessive behaviors and no one is born genetically an addict, we all have the potential. I think these things are learned just like everything else we are. We learn how to be from adults around us. We may have their genes but that doesn't mean we are destined to live a certain life without the power to change it. We shouldn't teach kids that these things are scary and not to be talked about. It's really ridiculous. Or just "grown up stuff". It effects them.
I have a ton of stuff at my house. Just most of it is not mine. Or not whatever Crazy life I would have had without my son. It's all ours. I still skirt they edge of insanity. But I keep my shit together and keep moving forward and learning for my son and my husband. Once one person depends on you it's easier to let other people depend on you. My husband and I have a policy. We almost always say yes to favors. Unless we literally don't have the time or money. Which is kind of rare. Unless we think it will cause family drama, lessons learned the hard way sometimes always saying yes. But I regret nothing. Experience is why I'm as smart as I am. That and too much reading, not enough human interaction.
I greatly approve of epic parenting. You need to take that shit seriously and realize they are gonna do what you do. So you have to be self aware and honest with them if you want to break a bad cycle. My son knows all about how sick daddy gets if he tries to quit smoking altogether. Despite cutting back tremendously. I've told him my husband started when he was a kid. Mommy could stop easier because I was over 18 when I started. Daddy was like fucking 12 stealing cigarettes from Grammy and great grandma.
My son asked me to quit. I did. Mostly. Unless somebody like dies. Or some other drastic event happens. Sometimes after a panic attack.
I think a lot of people who cant quit smoking have an anxiety disorder. It is a great excuse to leave the room whenever you want at any social function. Since you can't inside any more. All anti social people migrating to one space.
I think addiction isn't like we think it is. I think it's social. Unless it's physical and the person is in real pain not just emotional pain. Some people take opiates because on blue collars jobs shit gets hurt. Even white collar sometimes. Carpal tunnel. Desks aren't healthy for anyone. Addiction I don't think is brain chemistry. I think it's sociology.
That's why my favorite drug is pot. Even though I want it legalized. Smoking is half awesome because every time you do it it's like giving a finger to the people who try and make plants illegal. Or patent them. Cause what the fuck? That shouldn't happen. But again. All social behaviors. Who you want to be around. What kind of mental state you want to be in.
Your friends probably drink the same level. I'm at moderate social drinker status. But the occasion is rare because I'm old and broke. But people who abstain altogether are foreign to me, as are people who still get wasted and puke and stupid shit. But I think we can go about changing those physical chemical flaws in our bodies and our DNA actively. I'm not under the impression we are destined by DNA to be a certain way until we die.
I support medication of chemical problems like depression, OCD, ADHD, PTSD, schizophrenia, etc. I know those illnesses are real and probably literally physically chemical. At this point we haven't isolated exactly what brain chemicals are effected by what drugs, in what ways in most cases. I prefer the idea of chewing coca leaf, opium, and eating cannabis food or oil to any of the shit they have people taking now. Everything should go back to being plant based and not patentable. We should be letting more variety develop instead of creating mono-crops. And we should be medicating with more whole-food-style less brain-altering medications.
Part of the reason I'm on this is because I think this "laziness" epidemic the American Right always talks about is actually an American addiction epidemic. We've taken a lot of potentially excessive behaviors to extremes culturally. Some people use addiction to tune out pain with opiates. But others do it to keep things up, keep up appearances, if you will. Remain busy.
Amphetamines.
Coffee.
Nictone.
White sugar.
Stimulants are super popular. But eventually you burn out that way. Like how they burned out new lineman at the slaughter houses in The Jungle. Use people up and throw them away because you have a constant stream of desperate to work new people.
Alcoholism is cultural and pandemic at this point. They openly call obesity an epidemic. Obesity isn't a problem from an image perspective but a heart disease and diabetes perspective. If you look at the sales figures you start to see the real picture. Combine them with the costs of healthcare and the rate of deaths from those behaviors and you can see the big picture. Death is a cash business. Even the smallest funeral items cost big bucks. Capitalism exploits people at their most vulnerable because that is when they are least likely to be keeping a tight grasp on their wallet. In those moments you care more about family than money.
Too much alcohol makes you violent or just sad enough to be hopeless eventually. It is a killer. There are other safer options. Or just make paint thinner style cheap vodka illegal. There is minimal regulation on types of alcohol. Liquor content and processing standards are set by industry and demand.
I don't want the government or doctors manipulating DNA in a lab or in the womb. That's not cool. I'm talking about treating mental and physical illness with organic chemistry instead of lab made compounds. Unless it's antibiotic. I'm not crazy. I believe in science. I mean chronic illnesses we think of as "genetic" shouldn't be treated as life sentences necessarily.
I actually think alcohol shouldn't be completely abstained from. It is excellent social lubricant. It creates a definitive mental change few other behaviors or chemicals can mimic. I think our culture is contributing to excessive behaviors and no one is born genetically an addict, we all have the potential. I think these things are learned just like everything else we are. We learn how to be from adults around us. We may have their genes but that doesn't mean we are destined to live a certain life without the power to change it. We shouldn't teach kids that these things are scary and not to be talked about. It's really ridiculous. Or just "grown up stuff". It effects them.
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