My Love

I always knew I needed someone with a strong personality to balance mine. In youth I honestly didn't think I'd ever find someone who compliments me so well and brings out the better parts of me instead of just the intense parts of me. Relationships are not easy. Is that the cliche? It's certainly the truth. I needed to find someone who would not back down to my dominating nature. In every way that my husband is calm and collected in situations I wouldn't be by nature, he remains himself, he is certain of what his morals are. We need to find someone who remains themselves and compliments our very nature instead of someone who becomes more like us. Interests don't make a strong relationship, opinions don't make a strong relationship, communication of ideas makes a strong relationship. Encouragement and support make a strong relationship.

You need to make sure when you settle down into monogamy that you not only love the person you are in a relationship with, but that you love the person you become when you are with them. It is easy to fall in love, usually if you get to know someone's intimate details of childhood or past relationships, struggles, heartache, you will fall in love with them. If you aren't being the most comfortable, realistic version of yourself eventually it will all crumble. The sustainability of a relationship should be about how genuine you are with one another. You don't always have to agree but you have to be respectful of other peoples opinions being different than yours. The have a different perspective after all.

Even with all the wonderful things about being in a relationship, the love, the support, the companionship, there are still fights. No one goes into a relationship without a past. We have all be scorned through love well before adulthood. More importantly though, we all had a childhood. We are all greatly affected by the way we were raised, what we saw when we were raised, and how we were treated when we were children. No matter how healthy a relationship is, no matter how much love there is, these flaws can creep in. Sometimes I find myself behaving in a way I know I no longer support logically, in ways that make me sad and ashamed. I'm sure my husband has felt the same. Everyone does at some point.

The important thing is that when you see in yourself the things you know you want to change, pay attention. Look deep within at the things adults did that made you unhappy as a child and notice yourself behaving in these same ways in your adulthood. Acknowledge them. Don't be defensive, don't deny that you have flaws, because everyone most certainly does. Don't deny that your own personal life history has greatly effected you, because it has. The only way to let someone know that you are just another flawed being, that you know you can do better, is to tell them.

The only way we can communicate right now as humans is with words. Adults are horribly inept at communicating their feelings and ideas in person through words. We can express our likes and dislikes, our opinions with ease. Our feelings and unique ideas are what we keep guarded inside. That is what people use to manipulate and control others, or to hurt them deeply. We learn defense mechanisms but they can prevent us from every really connecting deeply with other people. We need to tear down the walls and get real.

If you never find another person in this world that is exactly like you, that is okay. A friend and I were discussing that sometimes when meeting new people they pick up your language, and your interests, and you think you are really hitting it off and creating a new wonderful friendship until you realize they are parroting all the best things about you, back at you. These things are bread from insecurity. We are taught that everyone should like us. We don't understand when not everyone does. The reality is, there are many different people in this world and you aren't going to like all of them. That doesn't mean you get to treat them with disrespect. The proper thing to do with people who disagree with your soul is to eliminate them from your life unless they change. This world is a big place.

Everyone changes, every day, all the time. Some days you will think you hate someone and others you can't remember why you were so offended. If you don't want to be judged by every individual stupid thing you might have said and rethought later, don't judge other people based on one single thing they said. We can disagree with a majority of beliefs someone else has and still see that they are a good person. When they are not so good, we can look to their past and understand why they are struggling.

All these things that I have learned about love in my own life have helped me with love outside of my house. I have said this before, but it is much easier to love people in real life, where they can see your smile and feel your warmth than through the screen of the computer. Even abusive fucks probably have sincere moments of love between themselves and maybe their child, their parents, or their spouse at some point in their life. That is what we need to focus on. Instead of seeing everyone as somewhat evil, we need to see everyone as somewhat good. We need to see the good even in the most reprehensible of people, because usually it is there if you look hard enough.

Those who have given up hope, and spend all their time in an angry fog, are not lost. All it takes it one great powerful love to melt the heart of any man. All it takes is one person to really connect to, who can wake up the passion deep inside you, and remind you why living is so important. You think you can't make a difference but you don't realize you are whether you are conscious of it or not. You can't opt out of social responsibility. You can ignore all those store clerks, people driving around you, and coworkers. But every single little interaction is a transition of energy. And if you aren't intentionally spreading a positive message you can be certain it will come off as negative.

As social spiritual beings, when others look past us as if we're not there, every single time hurts. When you don't look someone in the eye, or feel they are worthy of a joke or a smile, you are ignoring your ability to make a difference on a global scale. How you treat others, how you view the love and relationships in your life, does have an effect. Whether or not you take personal responsibility for your effect on the world, is a choice. You can choose every moment to improve on who you were before. Every day is a new day to make the world what you want it to be.

Here I am









This is dedicated to my husband Kyle and my son Zack. They teach me every day and keep me happy beyond what I thought happy could be. I spontaneously wrote this while forcing my son to read ( "reading time", worst mom ever) and being proud of my husband for his determination in not settling for less than what he wants to be.
...My son just complained that the book he is reading used "And" as the first word of a sentence, TWICE. AND she used the word Because as the first word of a sentence. The outrage. I told him he better up his reading level or stop complaining. (he's 6)